


There's Nowhere Else I Wish I Could Be

by Lilsciencequeen



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, F/M, Feels, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, post framework
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 10:31:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10638042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilsciencequeen/pseuds/Lilsciencequeen
Summary: Fitz doesn't remember.But Jemma does.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Yet more Framework angst from me... expect a lot of this... because why not? Framework is allowing me to explore all these opportunities and this one is where Fitz doesn't remember anything in the aftermath. Thanks for checking out. Title from Blood, Tears, Dust by Lacuna Coil.

It had taken him moments to notice that there was something wrong with Jemma. That there was something different about her.

But it wasn’t the red hand mark that marred her neck.

It wasn’t the bruise and the swelling that made itself known on the side of her head.

It wasn’t the deep wound in her leg made by a knife.

No, it was the look in her eyes when she woke up screaming, terrified of something.

It had been Jemma of all people who they had had the most difficulty getting out of the Framework, AIDA seemingly not wanting her to leave alive. But they had gotten her out.

It had taken a number of days, but they finally managed to get her out.

Fitz had been by her side when she was still trapped, never once leaving her while he worked on trying to free her and once had she woken up, screaming about something incomprehensible.

It hadn’t taken long for a sedative to be given to her, and she was rushed off to medical, her leg needing checked. There were fears that infection had started to set in, after so long of not being treated and that there would be permanent damage, nerves and tendons damaged. Something that could impact her for years.

He had stood there in the corridor, numb and watched as she was taken away.

It wasn’t until Daisy laid a hand on his shoulder and invited him for tea that he moved, wanting to occupy himself, take his mind of the horrors flowing through it, even for a moment.

He sat down at the table and watched as Daisy filled the kettle, flicking it on. No one spoke and she had her back turned to him, as if thinking about something.

 “Is she…” Fitz began, filling the silence that had settled in the room. “Is she going to be okay?” The last few days had been terrifying, not knowing if she was going to be okay, if they were even going to be able to pull her from the Framework. And now, now she had to face the injuries she had suffered in this world. “What happened to her? _Who_ hurt her?”

There was a pause from Daisy. This was the first time they had had a conversation since they had escaped the Framework that wasn’t about saving Jemma. This was the first conversation that they had had that was about what had happened in the Framework and the LMD attack that had preceded it. “You don’t… you don’t remember?” She turned to face him, her face pale. Something had scared her, spooked her. “You don’t remember at all? She told you. In the Framework.”

Fitz pulled a confused face, taking in the words. The shook his head. “No… The last thing, the last thing that I remember was telling Jemma to be safe, before AIDA took me, then I remember you and Elena, standing there in front of me. I remember nothing of the Framework.”

“So you don’t remember who injured Jemma…”

“No…” then he took a deep breath. “Was it… was it me?”

“No. But it was your LMD.”

“What did it do to her?” Fitz asked, feeling scared and sick at the same time. That someone with his face, his voice, his thoughts even could do something so horrible to her. Could hurt her in such a way like it had.

Daisy shrugged. “She’s… she’s not said much to me. All I know is what I can work out, and what I’ve heard her tell you in the Framework. But it wasn’t… he tricked her. It tried… it tried to convince her that it was _her_ that was the LMD and not it. And when she got it to hurt itself to prove it wasn’t human… it hid its injury, making her think that it was human and when she went to help, it stabbed her and hit her across the head with a paint can.” Daisy shuttered, thinking back to what she had heard Jemma say.

“And the mark… on her neck was it also…”

Daisy winced and nodded. “All her injuries came from the LMD. When she was destroying it, it tried to strangle her…”

“But did she? Destroy it?”

Daisy nodded. “She did but she wasn’t… she wasn’t okay. She… she was shaken… she didn’t even think she was human after…” Daisy sighed and reached around to get a mug of tea and gasped in pain.

“Daisy?” Fitz asked, going to stand up and see if she was okay. “What’s… what’s wrong?”

She shook her head, and reached up, rubbing her shoulder. “It was just… I was shot…” And upon seeing Fitz’s face pale even further, she continued. “It’s okay, Jemma… she fixed it. It’s just I’ve not used it, my arm, in a while. But I’m fine.”

She passed him a mug, something that he accepted with thanks. He wanted to say more, to ask about what he was like in the Framework, what kind of person that he had been, but he never. He couldn’t. Not yet anyway.

Not after he found out what had happened to Jemma.

He just hoped that she would be okay after all that she had been through.

***

It was the next day before Jemma was awake, and Fitz was in the medical room, waiting for her.

When she did awake, slowly, her eyes fluttering before taking in the world.

“Hi,” he whispered once his blue ones met her brown ones. “How you feeling?”

“Fitz?” she asked, as if unsure about everything. “Is it… is that really you?”

“Yeah, course it is.” He allowed his hand to rest on the bed beside her, wanting to take it in his own but waiting for her to make the first move, not wanting to force her into doing something she wasn’t ready for yet.

She looked at it, blinking once, then once more, before taking it in her own, allowing her fingers to interlace with his. He gave it a reassuring squeeze to show her that it would all be okay, that even though it might not seem it, it would all be okay. “I killed you,” she whispered, her voice low and soft. It was fragile, as though it might break at any moment. “I killed you.”

He lifted their interlinked hands and placing a kiss to her knuckles. “You didn’t. It was a LMD. It would have killed you. It tried to. It hurt you Jems.”

She blinked at him again, tears glistening in her eyes. “It said you wanted to marry me. Is that… is that true?”

He let out a breath, thinking. “It is true. I do want to marry you Jemma. I do want to spend the rest of my life with you but if you’re not ready, after all that’s happened, I understand, if you want to take a step back and slow down, I will more than happily accept that because your happiness, it means so much to me.”

“I will,” she said, lifting herself into a sitting position, ignoring the pain that was flowing through her. “I will marry you Leopold James Fitz.” She gave a small smile, one that reached her eyes, temporarily masking the pain that hid there. “There’s no one I would rather spend the rest of my life with.”

He smiled back at her, and leaned down, allowing his lips to dance across hers.

***

The next number of weeks were nothing less than busy, with Jemma having physiotherapy to try and help her leg, something that was going at a slower pace than she wanted, and packing up what little possessions they had.

Because they had made the decision to leave S.H.I.E.L.D., after all they had been through, they had decided to leave while they still had a chance. While they still could achieve their happy ending. While they were both still alive.

Coulson and Mace had been somewhat disheartened to learn that their two greatest scientists would be leaving but had accepted their resignation and said they would be provided with anything they could need while they established themselves.

Daisy and Mack were upset, but understanding, knowing that it was for the best that they leave.

May, meanwhile, had been the one to help them write their letter, helped give them the idea.

However, the road to their happy ending wasn’t an easy one.

Once Jemma had been released from the medical bay, and they were waiting for their cottage in Perthshire to be legally theirs, they were staying on base, with easy access for medical in case Jemma needed it.

But Jemma never needed it, she was taking the advice of her doctors, not overworking herself and making sure she did all the exercises they were asking of her. Physically, she was recovering…

It was the nights.

Nightmares plagued her and every night, without fail, once the medication had worn off, once the horrors were allowed to creep into her mind, she woke up screaming, fighting the duvet as it trapped her.

Fitz was there for her though, holding her as the tendrils of terror taunted her, teased her. He held her until she stopped crying and beyond that. He stroked her hair and rocked her back and forth. He whispered reassurances into her ear and placed gentle kisses to the top of her head.

He told her he was there for her, would be there to listen to her but she always shook her head, telling him that she would be fine, that she didn’t want to burden him with what was upsetting her.

He knew that it was either the LMD with his face that attacked her or the Framework that plagued her dreams. Or maybe a horrifying mixture of both.

The Framework… he still had no idea what he was like in that reality, what kind of man he had been. Jemma was refusing to tell him, and Daisy didn’t think it was her place to say.

And he hated it. Hated seeing her in pain like that, hated that she wouldn’t tell him what was so upsetting but he wasn’t going to push her. Not until she was ready. Maybe one day she would tell him and maybe one day she wouldn’t.

It was her choice.

But it was their first night in Perthshire that things got really bad.

The night had started of like any normal night for them did, Jemma taking her medication, and allowing herself to be wrapped in his embrace. She tried to ground herself, listen to the thump thump thump of his heart beneath her head and settled her breathing as sleep pulled her under.

The first number of hours were fine, peaceful but it was those that followed that were the worst. When the nightmares overwhelmed her and took hold.

Full of blood, pain and screaming.

Everything one horrific mixture of torture.

And then she woke up screaming, sometimes fighting him until he was able to reassure her what was real and what wasn’t.

Tonight was one of those nights.

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t seem to calm her down. She was fighting against him, whimpering and muttering under her breath about it being fake, not real.

After dodging yet another attempt from Jemma to elbow him in the ribs, Fitz decided another approach. He let Jemma go, let her decide what she wanted to do.

And what she wanted was to flee, and somehow, she managed to make it of the bed, before collapsing in pain. She gave a cry, one that pained him to his very core but still he didn’t make a move, not until Jemma was ready.

She, despite the pain that she must be in, managed to crawl into the corner, curling up and rocking back and forth, her hands over her ears. “It’s not real. It’s not real. It’s not real.” She repeated the three words again and again and again as though it were some mantra.

“Jems,” he called out to her, not too loud so as to spook her but not so quiet either. “Jems, I’m on the bed still but I’m moving. I’m moving to sit in front of you.”

No response but she seemed to settle a little, and taking slow, soft movements, he sat in front of her. “Jems, I’m here.”

She opened one eye, then another. “Fitz? Is that you?”

He nodded.

“Prove it,” she whispered. “Prove you’re Fitz.”

He held out his left hand, and showed her his thumb, the dim light from the lamp that was always on now, illuminating the room enough so she could see the faint scar that hid on the inside of it, something that only she knew existed.

Upon seeing it, she allowed herself to collapse into his arms. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, tears snaking down her face and soaking his shirt. “I’m so sorry.”

He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. It’s all okay. I promise you.”

“It doesn’t feel like it,” she replied, being brutally honest.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

She shook her head into his chest, the cotton bunching up. “I want to be alone.” She pulled her head back to look at him. “Please?”

He nodded. “Where?”

She looked at the bedroom window. “I wanna go outside. The stars.”

“Do you want your crutches?”

“Please,” she asked, and he rose, reaching for where she had left them leaning against the wall, and with some help, she was standing again, slightly uneasy and he watched as she went down the corridor and to the kitchen and then outside.

***

He phoned Daisy.

He had to phone Daisy.

He had to know what Jemma was having nightmares about.

He had to know if he was going to help her.

Daisy had been hesitant about telling him, saying that it wasn’t her place, but when he explained what had happened, just what Jemma was experiencing, she had relented, given in.

Because even Daisy had to admit it was getting worse. Not better, and after everything she had been through, Jemma didn’t deserve that.

Didn’t deserve the pain that she was suffering.

The burden she insisted on carrying alone.

So Daisy explained everything.

Everything that Fitz had done in the Framework.

He had known it would be bad.

It didn’t think it would be _this bad_.

By the end, he had tears in his eyes, and his stomach was in knots, and he felt physically ill.

“But she doesn’t blame you,” came Daisy’s voice from the other end of the phone. “I don’t blame you. It wasn’t… it wasn’t you. Not really. AIDA, she twisted you, made someone who looked like you but it wasn’t you.” A sigh. “How is she?”

Fitz pulled back the blinds that overlooked the back garden that hung above the kitchen sink. She was sitting in the middle of the garden, her back to him, looking up at the night sky. “I don’t know. Tonight, it was the worst she’s ever been. I don’t… I don’t push her but she’s… I hate that she’s holding it in. Thinking she’s going to upset me…”

“Then talk to her Fitz, let her know that you know now, that… that it’s okay. That she can, and she _will_ get through this.” There was a noise, something that sounded like a voice calling to Daisy. “Listen, I’ve to go. Fitz, talk to her.”

“I will.”

***

He brought out two blankets and two mugs of hot chocolate out to the back garden. She turned her head when she heard the door open and her eyes lit up upon seeing him.

“Thank you,” she whispered, accepting the mug and allowing him to throw the blanket around her to keep her warm. “For everything.”

He shrugged as if it was no big deal.

“And I’m sorry, for earlier.”

He shook his head this time, looking her in the eye. She did the same, and knew that it was time. Time that they talked, time that they discussed all that had happened. “Daisy told me,” he said, knowing what she was about to say. “And I’m sorry, Jemma. I’m so so sorry.”

She shook her head and reached out, taking one of his hands in her own. In the brief moment of pause that occurred, she allowed her gaze to be captured by the diamonds sparkling on her finger. “It wasn’t you, I know that Fitz. This is why, this is why I never told you, I didn’t want to hurt you, upset you.”

“But I hurt you.”

“No.” Her answer is strong, adamant. She shook her head again. “No, Fitz. It wasn’t you. It was… It was what AIDA created, her coding. None of that, no one in that world was real.”

“But I hurt Daisy, I hurt you.”

“It wasn’t you. The coding may have had your face but it wasn’t you. It was never you. You couldn’t hurt me like he did. You could never do that.”

“But it shows that I have the capacity to cause pain.” He blinked back tears as he raised his mug, taking a drink.

Jemma set her own one down, before taking his out of his hand and setting it down. “You don’t. You couldn’t and you know why?” She reached up, placing her hand on his heart. “You have one of the kindest hearts of anyone that I know. And you couldn’t hurt me, anyone. Because you’re not that person. You’re not who AIDA made you into. That regret, what she saw as your biggest regret, trusting. It makes you you, Fitz. It’s your greatest strength, not your weakness. It makes you the man I fell in love with all those years ago, it makes you the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. And nothing can change that. I love you and I always will.”

He looked at her and nodded, blinking back tears that were forming in his eyes.

She leaned in, allowing her lips to dance across his. “I love you Fitz and nothing will ever change that. I love you.”

“I love you too,” he whispered back, their foreheads resting against each other. Then, as she allowed her head to come to rest on his shoulder. “Do you want to wait for the sunrise?”

She gave a soft noise of agreement, snuggling herself closer to him. Watching the sunrise always helped to calm her, helped her when her anxiety got bad. Fitz had picked up on what made her comfortable over the years, what helped calm her down when things got too much, when things overwhelmed her and this was one of them.

Placing a kiss to the top of her head, he wrapped an arm around her, and the two of them sat on the grass in the backyard, waiting for the sunrise.

Waiting for a new dawn.

The new dawn to mark the dawn of the next stage of their lives.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for checking out, I hope you enjoyed. I just loved the idea that Fitz wouldn't remember what he did in the Framework and got kinda carried away. Hope you enjoyed and feel free to comment your thoughts and ideas.  
> Instagram: agentsofsuperwholocked


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